Quit behaving like such a d**k!
Quit being such a d**k!
A reflective and a ranting post for me. I've debated whether or not to share it but here goes.
In the last week, it really came to light how mean some people can be.
Now, I will qualify this by saying that I am sure I have been and can be mean myself, and I am not perfect but I’d like to think that I try not to be cruel. And if I am, you have every right to call me out on my BS.
Last week, a judge ruled that the police were creating some sort of overly PC, Orwellian society by going to the workplace of a troller, an ex policeman. According to the judge, the troller had a right to free speech, no matter how provocative. His social media posts according to the judge were not aimed at the transgender community but at the troller’s followers. Now, I am not here to defend or attack the judge or the troller or even comment on the case itself because I don’t know enough about it. My observation comes from the commentary online in a very r’eputable’ newspaper where the vitriol against the transgender community was shockingly abhorrent. Very few of the comments were about the judge’s ruling per se. The comments were reflections of their own prejudices. They were mostly about the fact that trans people should get their heads straight, be who they were born to be (literally as opposed to, in the potential kind of way) and to stop seeking attention. This is 2020 folks, are we really still having this conversation?
I know little to nothing about the trans community but I can tell you for certain that they are just people trying to live normal and happy lives. They, as humans, have a need to love and be loved, to be safe and to be a part of society. They want to have fulfilling lives and they want to contribute to society. I very much doubt that any of them chose to be born into a body that they don’t feel belongs to them. I am certain they did not choose to have a life where they are treated as lesser beings, have less rights than others and are perceived as wrong ‘uns. Nobody actively chooses that.
So then let’s move on to Caroline Flack – who tragically took her own life this weekend. Again, I don’t know her. She could have been amazingly kind or she could have been a b.itch from hell. She got into some trouble with the police and has been vilified for it. To be fair, she was probably an object of denigration for a long time, given that she was a public figure, successful and good-looking. Nobody is giving Brad Pitt c.rap for the same things.
Yesterday and today, there have been outpourings about how wonderful she was. Yet, during this really tough time for her, we’ve had trollers really hating on her and downright bullying her. Hey, perhaps she deserved to go to prison for beating up her boyfriend. Maybe she was an attention-seeker. But is it any of our business to be so judgmental and so actively vicious towards her?
The same can be said for when Philip Schofield came out as gay. Again, in this ‘respectable’ paper, the online commentary was heinous beyond belief – casting damnation on the decisions Philip Schofield has made to date.
What has stunned me about this is that we don’t know what is going on in others’ lives. Perhaps they made particular decisions where none of the options was great. Perhaps they are more sensitive than others. Perhaps they are mean to others. Perhaps they have been selfish. Who knows? Who knows why they have made the decisions that they have made, done the things they have done? But how does that give us licence to be a.ssholes ourselves? Hypocritical much?
Where is the empathy?
I’ve had pushback from people saying that sometimes empathy merely encourages nefarious and narcissistic types to take advantage of us. I’ll turn round and say that empathy does not mean putting up with ill behaviour. Having healthy boundaries is a good thing and they need to be asserted. If someone is behaving like a d.ick, call them out for their behaviour. There is no need to tear them apart as humans. Explain and show them how their actions affect themselves or others negatively. Help them be better. But always with empathy and kindness.
The people I have talked about are mostly in the limelight. However the things I have raised affect all of us - people of all ages, strata of society and walks of life through horrific experiences such as online or workplace bullying, trolling, hate crimes, unhappy relationships, domestic violence etc.
Life can really be s.hitty at times but it can also be beautiful and joy affirming. We get to control much of that for ourselves and for others through our choices and behaviours, ie we get to choose to spread the s.hit or the beauty & joy.
Our words and actions have consequences. Let’s really think about what that means.
Be kind, be empathic and bring joy – to yourself (aka healthy boundaries) and others.
Rant over. Happy Monday to you all. And apologies for the #$%^%$#$%. For those who know me, it’s normal – not clever or cool and could be a sign of a lack of intelligence but it’s also how I feel today.
If in an unfortunate circumstance you find yourself feeling severely depressed and want to self harm, please know that we do care about you and that you are loved. Seek help – there are resources for you with people who want to and will help you. This link will give you more information.
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