You’ve Got This – How to Manage Anxiety at Work and at Home

‘Anxiety’ – a word that has increased in every Google search and SEO statistics database – even before this global pandemic and since then, this rise has been exponential.  It should be no surprise.  Anxiety is something that all of us at various stages of our lives will experience, sometimes in mild form, others not, and not just once or twice.  However, it is chronic and persistent anxiety which may or may not lead to something darker that is more worrying and something that should be addressed very quickly.

What is anxiety?

Here are two definitions for anxiety.  In short, it is a form of stress.

The word ‘anxiety’ tends to be used to describe worry, or when fear is nagging and persists over time. It is used when the fear is about something in the future rather than what is happening right now.  www.mentalhealth.org.uk

‘Fear and anxiety produce similar stress responses.  Fear relates to a known or understood threat, whereas anxiety follows from an unknown, expected, or poorly defined threat.. or a vague sense of apprehension’.  Very Well Mind

What are some of the symptoms of anxiety?

So that persistent nagging feeling of unease and discomfort that you have, where you are just worried about a lot of things which may or may not happen?  That’s anxiety.  For some, it could be persistent worries about dying or an irrational fear of getting things wrong at work or…  And you will know that you are plagued by this if you show some of the following symptoms:

·      Your heart beats irregularly or very fast

·      You feel nauseous and/or have an upset stomach

·      You sweat a lot

·      Your muscles feel weak

·      You feel like you can’t breathe

·      You can’t concentrate on anything

·      You feel dizzy

·      You can eat or sleep

·      You feel cold all the time or boiling hot…  The list goes on

And left unaddressed, these persistent feelings of anxiety can lead to most serious issues such as panic attacks or a broader general anxiety disorder, phobias and or further stress issues.

What is happening behind the scenes?

We have all heard of what happens when humans come across a threat.  We were deliberately built with this response to be able to run away from bears, lions etc to ensure our survival.  This creates a stress response which awakens our nervous systems whereby adrenaline floods the bloodstream and it puts the body on high alert.  Our heartbeat starts racing and blood is directed to the muscles.  One’s breathing is fast and shallow to enable a greater intake of oxygen.  Our blood sugar spikes and our senses our sharper.

In these moments, we either stay to fight, we flee as quickly as we can or we freeze, rooted to the spot.  These responses are still the same today as they were when we were threatened by wolves or tigers as part of our daily lives.  However, our actual likelihood of running into such threats are rare unless one is actually living in a jungle or somewhere similar.  Today, when we are facing a threat they are more often than not unseen (not always eg oncoming truck or being stabbed etc but you catch my drift…) such as worries about catching the ‘rona or worries about bumping into an aggressive neighbour or having to deal with an unreasonable workload whilst having to look after your children during half-term or worried about never fitting in with a group of friends.  The list is long and varied.  These are very real feelings of stress and anxiety.

What might anxiety look like on you?  A threat-based mindset

To expand on the fight-flight-freeze idea, let’s have a think about how you might react in a difficult work scenario?

Imagine you are in a meeting room.  Everyone in there is important and is a person of influence within your organisation.  One of them says something about your work which seems to be untrue or derogatory.  What is your natural and automatic instinct?

·      Fight?  You are wrong, I am right (ie attack, confront, dominate?)

·      Flight?  Let’s change the subject and I have to go (quit, run, hide?)

·      Freeze?  Silence (comply, inner death, die [if there had been a lion]?)

·      Fawn?  Pretend nothing happened and tell them how wonderful they all are

Case study – a megalomaniac or misunderstood?

I have a client who is head of sales and is great at what he does.  So good that he was promoted to head up the team because he is so good at selling.  Red flags already??  Anyway, that happened so we move with addressing the current situation.  His opinion is that his way of generating sales is a tried, tested and proven model so everyone on his team (who are well-experienced and successful in their roles too) should follow his methods with their own client base.  Since the pandemic, like with many teams who have shifted to a WFH model, conversations have been reduced to a minimum and are purely transactional.  At the same time, he has demanded, without any consultation nor explanation, that their sales targets be enlargened.  His team members are up in arms with frustration and fear.

Having spoken with him, there clearly is a lot of work to do.  However through those discussions, it was really evident that the vast majority of his motivation on a professional and personal capacity is based around a strong bout of anxiety.  He worries about not being able to provide for his family, despite great success over several decades, so he digs in and works like a fiend (fight).  He worries that he is not good enough so he is ultra competitive (fight).  He is dictatorial because he fears a downturn of sales not just for himself but for his team, hence pushing them into his perceived, tried and proven model for success (fight).  He is anxious about letting his family down and so doubles down on the work instead of spending quality time with them, which is what they want (flight and freeze).  He wants to be head of sales and to be the top sales person because he fears that he is no one without his professional identity and does not want to explore what else is out there (which will be new & different and therefore threatening) (freeze).

Some tips n tools to help reduce your anxiety

To take the case of the fictitious meeting with someone who has undermined you.  You could choose one of the 4 options given, or you could look at dealing with the situation different, through different eyes.  Ones that are curious and interested in learning.  What is this person trying to tell me?  What could I learn from that feedback?  How could I change what I have to say to offer a different perspective?  How could their feedback help me and my work?  In short, you may be right but could your offering be better?  Or you may be wrong?  Or somewhere in between.  By approaching each situation with a curious, open and learning mindset – you will see that each challenge is one that can lead to growth. 

But it requires not avoiding your anxious thoughts.  It requires you to know yourself better and it requires you to approach each challenge with a different perspective.

Increase your self-awareness - Know yourself better

•       Do you know when you are anxious?  Do you have a typical response?

•       Identify the cause(s) of your anxiety

•       Identify your triggers

•       Identify the poor habits which contribute to your anxiety

•       What is within your power to change?  What might those changes be?  How might you make that happen?  What is stopping you from making those changes?

Practise self-care – Conservation of Resources

·      Eat well, sleep better, exercise

·      Engage in a variety of activities that nurture your soul eg time with loved ones, friends, going to the pub (or in the pandemic – walks with friends/family), read, watch silly films – whatever gives you joy

·      Create healthy boundaries to ensure you are not surrounded by toxic situations, people or environments

Engage in a growth mindset – curious, open, compassionate and grounded

•       Regularly and frequently practise being present, mindful, conscious and aware

•       Change the relationship you have with your thoughts and feelings

•       Practise acceptance & commitment to your purpose & your values

Some questions to ask when you encounter unhealthy thoughts (The Happiness Trap - Russ Harris):

o   Is this thought in any way useful or helpful?

o   Is this an old story?

o   Have I heard this one before?

o   What would I get for buying into this story?

o   Could this be helpful, or is my mind just babbling on?

o   Does this thought help me take effective action?

o   Am I going to trust my mind or my experience?

Is it all downhill from here?

There is strong evidence to suggest that for many, being on the more anxious end of the scale might work on your favour.  Like with any strengths, used well and they can be a very powerful tool in your kit.  Just make sure that you do not derail yourself by overusing them or inappropriately.

·      Hypervigilance

People who are very attuned to what’s going on and are well-prepared for most eventualities.  A very useful skill when working to see the viability of a project or proposition or case.  Just ensure that this does not result in you justifying and choosing perfectionism over progress.

·      Socially anxious

Those who tend towards social anxiety tend to read people and rooms really well.  They monitor people’s responses and therefore more empathetic and relatable.  Do ensure though that you don’t end up people pleasing at the risk of losing yourself or over focusing on yourself in order to relate that you don’t relate at all!

·      Extra conscientious

Those who suffer from anxiety are deemed conscientious and in every organisation, and through any selection process for candidates, conscientiousness is seen as a ‘must have’.  These individuals work doubly hard to ensure high standards.  Who wouldn’t want that?  Just make sure again you don’t fall down the perfectionist trap to prove yourself not that you are taken advantage of.

And remember, all these are strengths but only if not overused, ie with a large dose of healthy boundaries – sometimes ‘less is more’.

Anxiety is something that we all experience throughout our lives, in many guises, several times.  Typically, people feel that if they ignore their anxiety and plough on, everything will be fine.  And in the short and even medium term, it might work.  However, just think about what it might be doing to you and to those around you?  Wouldn’t it be more helpful to you to address is?  This blog and the interventions we suggest won’t stop you from having anxious thoughts.  In fact, having anxious thoughts are a normal part of life.  What we are trying to do is help you manage them better in order for you to lead fulfilling, purposeful and joyous lives, despite the challenges that you will inevitably face.

Quicksand – When you struggle to get out of quicksand you sink in deeper. When you try to stop and resist your thoughts, they often make it worse. In ACT, he instructs clients to be more accepting of life’s inevitable struggles and figuratively spread out in the quicksand, not resist it. Paradoxically, the less they resist, the less they sink in the quicksand. As the saying goes, “What you resist will persist!”   S Hayes

For those of you who want to experience a meditation which is extremely helpful with addressing anxiety, I would suggest you turn to the webinar (approximately 30 minutes in).  It is a most powerful tool.

If you have any questions for Davina or me, please click on our links to contact us.  Or you can email me at: info@renoc.co.uk or find me on Twitter @renoc28 or on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/renoc/

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